That filter between your mind and your mouth

It's unfortunate or perhaps fortunate that we all forget about that filter between the mind in the mouth.  I know that in the past mine was off about 98% of the time, there is a part of me that misses it being off.  I would say exactly what I was thinking and not give a damn if it offended anyone, after all, why lie?  Now my filter is sometimes up to guard against being hurt or hurting someone else, but I can be pushed to the point where I just turn it off and am done with it.

My sons are great with not having a filter, Thing One (age 9) sees a short guy (about 5'4") working in a store and he asks "Are you a midget?"  or from my Thing Two (age 7) (to a man who said hi to them while passing on the street) "You REALLY need to brush your teeth!!" They are always very loudly pointing things in other people that we all notice, but don't say anything about.  And when someone does or says something wrong, in life or to another person, they don't hesitate to tell them about it.  This is actually one of the greatest things, and sometimes most embarrassing things that my kids do!  So, I have my children to remind me that I need to open my big fat mouth even if it is embarrassing for me or the other person.

This is who I am

 At this point I should actually say what I'm thinking, for example (and I'm going to keep my temper since I've been biting my tongue till it's bleeding and nearly cut off) I am so fucking sick of hearing certain people talk shit on friends of mine!  I like the people in question as themselves, but when it comes to talking about other friends, who have been nothing but friends to me, is an ugly thing and puts a huge black mark on everything about the speaker.  I don't want to hear it anymore and that's that.  I don't know why the attacks are so harsh, but I am fed up with it and it's been eating away at my mind.  There that's one.  Another is I'm tired of the disappearing act, I want to know just what is going on, even if it's unknown, just tell me something general.  I hate feeling like there is a game being played and although it doesn't feel like it right now, that's also something that's been weighing heavy on my mind.  That's that for there also.  I have a lot going on in my life and I don't have time for all the extra special baggage and bullshit of others, I love my friends and I am there, but don't bring me down. Please feel free to comment, follow, or tell me I'm crap!  Tell me about your filter, thanks for reading!

What I would say if I was looking, but I'm not

Reminder, I'm not looking. Seeking someone who will take me & my kids as we are (and not a "new daddy" they already have one) Someone who will mean what they say and not retract it all a few weeks later. Someone who isn't looking for superficial people. Someone who isn't gullible. Someone who is ready for something real. Someone who isn't easily confused. Someone who is ready to look to the future & means the things they say. Someone who isn't just using me. Someone who can take my shit, the good & the bad. Someone who won't freak out easily. Someone who won't stalk me. Someone who makes time for me. Someone who gives me my SPACE! Someone who cares. Someone who won't try to run my life for me. Someone who can be cool with my friends. Someone who loves to play in the rain. Someone who calls. Someone not obsessive. Someone who likes to 'play'. Someone who finds fun in stupid silly things. Someone who isn't afraid of me. Someone who won't run off at the first sign of a problem. Someone who isn't afraid to hold my hand when I actually go out with you. Someone who doesn't care that I love to walk barefoot. Someone who does not over-compliment me, but will compliment me sometimes. Someone who likes me for me, not what I look like or what I can do for them or what I can be made into...

Done for now, but will add to this....reminder, not looking.

I need a fire

Anyone know a good place in the Pittsburgh area in general, to have a fire?  I am in much need of a good fire, campfire, bonfire, whatever.  I just need a fire, I miss the smell of it!!!  I miss staring into it for hours on end.  I need a fire badly!!!! If anyone can tell me somewhere close that I could have one, I would be very happy!!!!  Please leave comments with ideas, suggestions, or just about your mutual love of fire! Thanks!!!!

Rabbit hole

I feel like Alice, following the white rabbit further and further down the rabbit hole.  I feel like all my furniture needs to be attached to the ceiling or nothing will make sense anymore.  If I were anywhere else I would fit in that world perfectly, I don't make sense in this world.  That's good though, I'd much rather be me than fit in perfectly like an unimaginative puzzle piece. I like me.

Got to post something from an old blog, just feel the urge to do so.


June 26th 2008
I am going to just have one of my running stream of random thoughts going here. Stream of consciousness if you will, ignore the grammar, spelling, punctuation, and any other errors in it please. It's raining! All I want to do right now is go out and play in the rain till my clothes are totally stuck to me & rain is dripping from my hair into my face....like I did when I was a kid & a teen. I miss that crap, not really so much being a teen, but all the stuff I did then and how unafraid I was of doing things. Some cases I'm still like that, but not as much as I used to be, since I have my awesome kids! If it wasn't 2am I'd take them to go play in the rain, we'd have a blast! I want to do a survey just to kill the time, but I can't  right now, so that shall have to wait. By the way,  I'm not afraid to go play in the rain, I just can't right now, 2 kids sleeping and I'm not leaving them to play in the rain....

Silly kids

This is angry mom, but they made me laugh when I was playing with this.  I wasn't actually going to post this, but my 7 year old is reading this out loud word for word.  So, something is telling me I have to post this, otherwise the moment is lost for good.  I love hearing him read out loud too! HAHA BUG!!! HAHA GOOSE!!! I love you two!!!!  (Not trying to copy Allie, the kids asked me to post this, I was just playing with paint!)

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!

I am super happy today!  I think I really shouldn't blog when I'm in a crap mood, so I promise to try not to.  Although I am bipolar, so it's likely to happen, but that could just make it more interesting.  Like I was saying, super happy today! One of my best friends, Dixie, came up from West Virginia and every time she comes up here she makes sure to visit me and my kids!! It was just so freakin' awesome to see her and just hang out for a couple hours catching up and seeing some new things!  I wish that she would move back up here so that we could actually hang out more often, but the visits are special, because I am one of the few outside of family that she actually makes a point to see.  THAT makes my day!  Anyway, I must finish my school work and head to the park, the kids can't wait to see the fireworks tonight!! Here's my awesome Dixie!!!!

Something about me

This is I guess my way of introducing myself, but not really what this blog is going to be about. Granted this is from my facebook, but I'll try to clean it up a bit.

Where does one start in something that says about me? I am me; I am not who you think I am or who you assume I am. I have my friends who I love and adore. All I want is to be treated the same as I treat any of my friends. It doesn't matter your age, race, how you dress, how much money you make, if you want me to respect you than you need to treat me with respect as well. I will not kiss your ass for your approval, because frankly, I don't need it! I'm a fairly friendly person. My kids are number one in my life always will be!!! No one else will ever come before them. Don't tell me how to raise my kids if you don't have kids, or even if you do! Advice is nice, but if you don't have children keep your opinion to yourself.

I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter, and a friend. I am a woman struggling day by day to give my children, family and friends everything I can, because I love them all!!!!

I am sometimes way too honest forget to turn off the filter between my mind and my mouth. (That can be both a good and bad thing) I love to be around people most times and I like to see and be close to my friends. I love to talk to people. Most everyone has an interesting story or more to tell, so why not talk to everyone. I can be shy, but more often than not I'll talk to anyone.